Uninvolved. Careless. Sad. Christmas is irrelevant.
This is the best mood I can describe about the season of Christmas. Ever since I was a child I have never felt something interesting about Christmas: how it works, how it feels by anyone else, and how it means a lot to everyone, I guess. As for me, I am not interested. Rather, I always felt sad about Christmas.
As I write this piece, my tears slowly creep in. Although I know why, it is not interesting, as well, by anyone else to know it. I do not even bother to understand why I cry as I key in letters to form words and sentences to express my heartfelt discourse about Christmas. There must be something wrong with Christmas, after all.
While everyone else presumably was busy doing something for Christmas, I always found myself staring dumbstruck at something I could not even remember.
This Christmas 2023, in some ways, brought me to a more self-attuning of the nature of life and existence. I decided to spend a part of my boring life routine in a Catholic religious tradition, Simbang Gabi. I did it for the first time in my life and completed it alone without a clear purpose.
Unemployed for so long and took a break from my M.A. in Philosophy and considered bothering alone about the epistemology and the metaphysics of life and existence, I found myself going on foot in a 1.7 kilometer walk from RJA to Sto. Niño de Taguig Parish every night to and fro to complete the #Simbanggabi2023. Still, it did not even make it interesting for me.
On the contrary, I always get fascinated when Jesus said in John 14:20, “On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you,” as the same Jesus told us about that is contained in the gnostic text of the Gospel of Thomas, he said, “Whoever finds the interpretation of these sayings will not experience death. Let him who seeks [to] continue seeking until he finds. When he finds [it], he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over the All.”
Parenthetically, as there must be something wrong about Christmas, be it in celebration or understanding about it, these words from “The Thunder, Perfect Mind” reverberate more than the religious meaning of Christmas. It says,
I was sent forth from the power, and I have come to those who reflect upon me, and I have been found among those who seek after me. Look upon me, you who reflect upon me, and you hearers, hear me. You who are waiting for me, take me to yourselves. And do not banish me from your sight. And do not make your voice hate me, nor your hearing. Do not be ignorant of me anywhere or [at] any time. Be on your guard! Do not be ignorant of me. For I am the first and the last. I am the honored one and the scorned one. I am the whore and the holy one. I am the wife and the virgin. I am the mother and the daughter. I am the members of my mother. I am the barren one and many are her sons. I am she whose wedding is great, and I have not taken a husband. I am the midwife and she who does not bear. I am the solace of my labor pains. I am the bride and the bridegroom, and it is my husband who begot me. I am the mother of my father and the sister of my husband and he is my offspring. I am the slave of him who prepared me. I am the ruler of my offspring. But he is the one who begot me before the time on a birthday. And he is my offspring in (due) time, and my power is from him. I am the staff of his power in his youth, and he is the rod of my old age. And whatever he wills happens to me. I am the silence that is incomprehensible and the idea whose remembrance is frequent. I am the voice whose sound is manifold and the word whose appearance is multiple. I am the utterance of my name… (Emphases are mine.)
This considered gnostic, strange poem speaks of divinity in all forms.
Now, think of all forms of social discrimination the world has it. Despite religious celebration and understanding about Christmas, the same religious institution, folks, and kindred are habitually exhibiting this anomaly, especially in this season that is traditionally and culturally understood. There must be something wrong with Christmas. ▲
Since 2011, Regel Javines has been writing online, sharing news and analysis on a range of noteworthy and urgent social issues. He completed his bachelor’s degree in office administration at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines (PUP)—Taguig Campus, where he also served as editor-in-chief of the official school newspaper. See Regel’s published articles here.